Day Two

Good Afternoon all.

Well another day of not doing very much. May has yet again had to go to Grandma's to be looked after. I really hate having to rely on others to do what I should be able to do. I am mummy and I want to be able to do things for myself and May. It makes me feel like a bad mum, and that I'm losing the bond between me and her. Life is so unfair!

So what do us 'invisible' do all day? On a bad day I sit and do nothing, and on a good day I 'over do it' and fit in as much as I can. Why do we do that to ourselves? I often wonder to myself if my illness is 'in my head' and that I'm just a paranoid freak but then on days like today when I'm in agony, i know it's there. I watched Jeremy Kyle this morning (rare because i really hate the programme!) but anyway, he was talking to people who have deformities and how people treat them. It was shocking to hear what some people have to go through. How people stare and make comments. It occurred to me that unless you are 'normal', people don't accept you either way. I've been in situations when wearing my hand braces that people look at you daft, and I feel that people to stare and make comments behind your back. It's a horrible feeling! Bringing on another point.....

We shouldn't have to spend our time trying to convince other people we are ill. I think we live in a society when no one trusts anyone anymore. An example of this is the benefits system, it's so darn hard. The forms for anything are so difficult and generic that it's impossible to fill it out. I've just received confirmation of my DLA. I now receive middle rate care and high rate mobility. I was awarded it original in 2006. In November 2008, it was due for renewal. Simple thinking me thought that this would be an easy process.....oh how wrong I was. I completed the form with the help of my husband, sent it off...to be told that I would not be award anything because I no longer qualify! I asked them how that can be if my condition hasn't changed? (confirmed also by my GP!) They couldn't give me an answer. Fortunately, I have a very understanding doctor who wrote them a fantastic letter on my behalf. This worked and eventually was awarded dla till 2011. What a flippin hastle? I understand that they have to be careful and that people in general do take the mick out of the system, but they seem to tar everyone with the same brush. Is it just me who things the system doesn't work?

Okay rant over! Seriously though...where did it all go wrong?

My plans for the rest of the day.....to sit and watch what I've taped in Sky plus (If you haven't got it yet...get it! It's fantastic!) Brothers and Sisters I think this afternoon. It makes me laugh...I'm from a fairly large family so I seem to relate a lot to what goes on. I have 2 sisters, one older and one younger. I am the middle who yes...suffered from middle sister syndrome! I also have an older brother, the oldest of all of use. We are all married...Younger sis, Suzanne 22, lives in Scotland, married to John and have one child, Zac 3. Delicia, 30, lives next door to me with Stu and have no children. My brother who lives in Birmingham, Will 34, married to Debbie and have 4 little rat bags.

My Mum,54, who also lives next door with my sister and bro in law, is my best mate. We never use to get on but that's a whole other story. I lost my Dad to cancer in 2004. Again, i will talk about that another time when my joints are not so sore!

Well..that's introduced my family/support system. I will talk about them a lot and will try to give you more details about them as I go along.

Just to confirm that I have no plan for this blog so if you have any questions, please feel free! Any any suggestions would also be gratefully received.

Also, can anyone help on how to use this blog site? I don't know how to search for other bloggers that have the same interests as me. HELP??