Day Three

I was thinking about what I said yesterday, I don't think people understand exactly what our invisible illnesses really do to us.
I've spent the last few years trying to hide my illness in fear that people will not believe what I have. When I have been asked how I am, I just say 'I'm fine' when really I am not. I think this has been because I have some fear for what people think and want to be accepted. Being different is very hard and is hard to come to terms with.

Today, I have been poorly again. I have shocking shooting pains in my arms and wrists, not to mention the back ache. I am currently sat on a heat pad in an attempt to sooth the pain, is it working - No, but my butt is nice and warm! The only time i feel like that now is when I've had a good dose of steroids! LOL. I'm currently taking codeine (note to others - be careful, it bungs you up to no end. I felt like I was giving birth again! sorry for the detail but feel it important to warn other!) as well as another 20 tablets a day. Problem is half of them you need to take with food so I end up eating all day long just so I can take my tablets.

May has gone to her grandmother's again. Yesterday grandma noticed a tooth coming through, finally she is getting some teeth! She has been teething since she was three months old. Again I can't stop feeling bad that I can't look after her. I worry that May is unhappy. Me being paranoid again.

I also feel depressed, seeing the same four walls for a week is horrible. I just want to go back 10 years when I felt normal. I always imagine walking on a beautiful spring day, sun shining with not a care in the world. Was the world really like that when i was a child or was it that I lived in lar lar land. I think maybe the later, my mum and dad obviously did a good job.

Jim is out at work and I have to try to arrange to get to the bank, another job I hate. Standing in a queue waiting for Mr money man at the front of the queue who seems to think he has all the time in the world and so has everyone else behind him. Wanting to scream because of the pain, we stand patiently waiting to take our turn! What is with this country and queue's???
My mum is picking me up when she finishes work at 2pm so that we can go get May and bring her home!

I've got to go make myself presentable to the world now, so that I don't scare anyone! This takes a while. I may update later, I'll see how I feel! Bye for now!